autumn at the gulf coast

my mother and i took a long weekend trip to the coast last weekend. it was the first

time i had been back since the oil spill had come ashore in june. my beautiful gulf coast looked exactly the way it did when i left. the waves were intense, but the skies were sparkly and calm. i can breathe so much better at the beach.

my mother and i talked about how women seem drawn to the shores of the sea. i think it's because they see something familiar in the rituals of the tides. it reminds them of themselves.

and we became heroes! we saved a baby sea turtle from a sure death in the clutches of a seagull. because of the recent full moon, i felt sure this turtle was a new hatchling making it's way to the sea and was interrupted by a pecking gull.

we set it back into the water and watched it tumble,

wave after wave. finally, it gained control of it's tiny legs and started to swim out to sea. i'd like to think it made it. but there is the oil to contend with out there...

chicken tacos for supper one night in the tradition of El Agave, one of my favorite restaurants. lots of cilantro, onion, and fresh

lime make these out of this world!

ashes to sea

So a few weeks ago, we decided to finally lay to rest my grandparents in the beautiful Gulf Coast. My mother just decided one morning she needed to do this. I really enjoyed the small informal ceremony on the inlet. Funny thing, the water was flowing back into the lagoon, not out into the Gulf. But, I think they will eventually find their way.

in my chest is a nest

swallows i think

i haven't fed them in a real long time

will they come back next spring?

i can only hope

never seems to be enough time

not till it's too late

happy birthday, adrian vega

well, we made it!  he is officially one year old today.  it is amazing to think how fast that went by.  exactly one year ago today, he was emerging from me - well, they used the vacuum - it was not as romantic.  but he was finally here at 4:13 am and i was full of adrenaline somehow after a 27 hour labor!  i couldn't stop looking at him and touching him and was in awe that he was here and that he was ours.  it was what i like to call scary/beautiful.  i cried much those days.  i imagined him getting in his car for the first time by himself at 16 and driving away from me, i imagined him getting married and looking back to blow me a kiss and i just wept.  not even a day old and making his mother cry.  how could he.  his pure existence made me squirm.  i couldn't take it back.  all the blood, sweat, and tears were now a part of my story.  and a new story.  a new life had begun and i was in a super conscious state.  

over the months of breast feeding and pumping and sleepless nights that still come even now, i have come to enjoy my little project.  i have killed cactus, so i was afraid.  but i have done quite well.  i am still breast feeding and have successfully reached my goal, but will continue to follow that path for as long as it will take me.  it has been difficult.  it has been ugly.  it has been wonderful.  it has been sweet.  and as i lay him down this evening and whispered my loving mama thoughts in his tiny ear, i like to think that he knows deep down.  my love for him is endless.  as long as i have breath, he will be etched in my thoughts.  happy birthday, adrian vega...

first birthday party planning

i have officially abandoned the monkey/banana theme.  i found these rad napkins at ikea and am using these to base the whole party off of.  crazy, eh?  i am going to publix to see if they can make a cake with at least 2 or 3 animals on this napkins and fill the rest in with mushrooms.  FUN!  ordered party favors the other night that are water-bird whistles.  so cute!  it's on!

the new family bed

our ikea trip was fantastic.  baby did great.  this is what we bought for our family for x-mas.  we needed a bigger bed and i had been thinking about getting one that was closer to the ground too.  we have a concrete floor.  baby can get on and off the bed on his own.  perfect.  and it is a queen, so lots more room.  10 inches, to be exact!  sublime.

i carry you in my heart...

i love carrying my baby.  he is so big now that it is almost impossible to sling him anymore.  yes, the Hotsling is retired.  but i am looking forward to trying a mei tai pattern to sew.  i love sewing and want to be able to choose my own fabric.  and it is cheaper!  i will miss him being so close to my heart though.  here is one of my favorite poet's words.  

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

haircut therapy

you know when you just need a haircut?  i don't mean that you feel "shaggy".  i mean that you feel down and uninspired.  just a general sense of unbalance.  and when you do it.  you release all the pressure, frustration, and stress and radiate creativity, and light and beauty!  you are somewhat lighter.  and it seems as though your life has purpose and real drive.  it gets you revved up and feeling fine!  like a commercial with your favorite song playing on the soundtrack.  wait, now i am just getting carried way...  

baby eye

i thought i would address what baby eye means.  its origin comes from a conversation that my husband patrick and i had a couple of years ago.  we always wanted to have a gallery.  we were living in atlanta at the time.  we found a place that would be perfect, but we never rented it.  in the end, we did not end up staying in atlanta for longer than 2 months.  we never found jobs - fresh out of art school.  it was hard and we argued a lot.  but we always wanted a gallery called baby eye.  its colors would be pink and green.  i had the logo and everything.  just never came t fruition.  maybe one day...

boys

when i awoke this morning to no baby in the crib and no husband in the bed, i hunted them down.  these boys were sleeping in the nursery on the futon this morning.  so sweet.  i had time to myself to get ready and chill.

i read something recently from wherever you go there you are by jon kabat-zinn.  it said, "look at each baby as a little Buddha or Zen master, your own private mindfulness teacher, parachuted into your life,whose presence and actions were guaranteed to push every button and challenge every belief and limit you had, giving you continual opportunities to see where you were attached to something and to let go of it".  

god, i really get that!  if everyone could experience this!  what a life i have now.  not sure what i did before adrian came into existence.